Tidbits: Wine Humor - FAQS



Tidbits: Wine Humor - FAQS

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss."
~~ Lazarus Long


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"There are no dumb questions, only pretentious people."
~~ Winegeek.com


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I've got a drinking problem - two hands and only one mouth."
~~ Unknown


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Never drink from your finger bowl, it contains only water."
~~ Addison Mizner


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
At big family gatherings whether a sit down dinner or picnic we like to serve ham. Can we keep it simple with the wine?
Answer:
Ham will be wonderful with the perfect wine partners. You don't say what kind of wines you like--white or red, dry or sweet--so I'm going to give you several suggestions: 1. Rosé or blushing pink wines do very well with ham. These are light wines and usually medium-dry. Try any brand "White Zinfandel" for a berry flavor, slightly sweet, low alcohol wine you can serve chilled. For a drier style Rosé, you can find "blanc de noir" sparkling wines and regular wines from California such as Chandon "Blanc de Noir" sparkling or Simi Rose of Cabernet. There are also several French dry Rosés such as Guigal "Tavel Rosé" 1997 $17 or Domaine Sorin Rosé from Cotes du Rhone 1998 $12. 2. If you want a white wine, choose either a German Riesling Kabinett, which will not be too sweet and delicious with ham; or for a drier white wine choose a California Sauvignon Blanc such as St. Supery or Quivira "Fig Tree" or Guenoc. 3. If you prefer a red wine, either a Gamay Beaujolais from California or a Zinfandel (this black grape can make either the blush pink wine or dry red wine) such as Ridge Coast Range II about $13.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
Could you tell me how long I can keep opened wines?
Answer:
In general you can store red wines with the cork re-inserted in a cool place for several days before it loses its freshness (turns a little vinegary after that). But the best way to store red wines is with a vacuvin. It is a white plastic pump with a gray rubber stopper that cost about $14 in wine stores. You insert the gray stopper in the half full wine bottle and use the plastic pump to take out the air and create a vacuum, thus preserving the wine longer (air oxidizes wine). With this vacuvin, you can keep reds for a week or two and whites can be kept cold in the refrigerator for about as long. If you use the regular cork in white wines that are stored in the refrigerator, they will pick up off odors from the foods in there--so it's better to use the vacuvin. If you cannot find vacuvin, then buy a simple bottle stopper with those porcelain/rubber rings and metal push down closure--every wine or cooking store sells them for less than $1. The only types of wines that cannot be kept fresh with a vacuvin are Champagnes and Sparkling wines because of their bubbles. Once you have enjoyed some of the Champagne or Sparkling wine, you will have to use a metal closure that screws down over the bottle to keep the wine fizzy. They are better than the other type with metal wings that snap down over the bottle. Both can be found in most wine stores.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them, and Champagne makes you do them."
~~ Brillat-Savarin


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"This wine is particularly heavy, and is mostly recommended for hand-to-hand combat."
~~ C. Hacking


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Can you recommend different types of wines--white vs. red varietals and Champagne--for my wedding? The food selection will be buffet.
Answer:
Congratulations! I have helped many brides to be with their wine wedding plans. First there is usually a bar during reception--and what you need is good, but relatively moderate-priced Chardonnay (dry white), Merlot (smooth dry red), and White Zinfandel (blushing pink slightly sweet wine). There are many California brand names that will do such as NAPA RIDGE or TALUS (inexpensive), or CHATEAU STE. MICHELLE or VILLA MT. EDEN (moderate price just over and under $10 a bottle). At the table, when everyone is seated, you will need the same types of wine, but because everyone can look at the labels on the bottles as they are being served, you can use the last two wineries I named or go up one step in price to wineries such as FREEMARK ABBEY, BERINGER, RAVENSWOOD, ST. FRANCIS, CHATEAU ST. JEAN etc. As for the Champagne, you can have one good French Champagne for a single glass toast- Champagne, you can have one good French Champagne for a single glass toast- BRUT LA FRANCAISE, VEUVE CLICQUOT BRUT N.V., ROEDERER BRUT N.V. etc.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror."
~~ John Mooney


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
How much wine is wine in "moderation"?
Answer:
Our own Dept. of Agriculture promotes a diet that includes wine in moderation. They define that to mean one 4-ounce glass per day for women and up to two 4-ounce glasses per day for men. The difference in gender is actually a difference in average body size. However, they limit the total number of glasses of wine per week to about 5 for women and 7 or 8 for men. Even I don't drink wine every single day!


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
How do I find a wine if it’s not in my wine store?
Answer:
Many readers tell me about a fabulous wine they had on vacation or at a friend’s house but couldn’t find in their local wine store. To find a wine, first check the liquor store’s web site, as many have searchable databases that will tell you whether they stock the wine and at which locations. Some chains also have hotlines you can call. If they don’t sell the wine, they may be able to give you the name and phone number of the sales agent who represents it so that you can buy directly. You can also look at the winery’s web site, which often lists local retailers or agents. If not, you can e-mail the general mailbox to ask about them.


Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.



Question:
Can I use my basement to store wines? It is pretty cool.
Answer:
Your basement could be very good for wine storage. The recommended temperature is in the range of 55-65 degrees F., and the recommended humidity is in the range of 60-75%. What really does damage to wine are bright, fluorescent lights; mold & odors; vibration, and extremes of temperature-if the temperature goes below 40 degrees F. you could cause tartrate crystals to precipitate out of your wines, and above 75 degrees F. you would age (i.e. oxidize) your wines more quickly.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"People do not age as well as wine because meat spoils faster than grapes do."
~~ Nettie


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Compromises are for relationships, not wine."
~~ Sir Robert Scott Caywood


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few."
~~ Spanish saying


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I shall drink no wine before it is time! OK, it is time."
~~ Groucho Marx


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?"
~~ Stephen Wright


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
How do I find out the price of this wine?
Answer:
Readers who discover a dusty old bottle in their cellar often ask me this question (as do those inquisitive types who are given a gift of wine and would like to know how much it’s worth). You can check the web site of your local liquor store or the winery itself. But in the case of older wines, you may want to search the web site of the auction houses, such as Christies and Sothebys, which give the prices paid for mature bottles.


Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.



Question:
I have a recipe for Venison Loin that calls for a Claret wine. Where I live wine is not a big deal. Can you tell me about it? I haven't found it yet.
Answer:
Claret is the name for any red Bordeaux wine blended from the Bordeaux black grapes Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Malbec, and Petit Verdot etc. They also use the name Claret for some California red wines that are blended like a Bordeaux from the same grapes. Claret or red Bordeaux wines are very: dry, concentrated, oaky, deeply berry flavored, and complex. They are the type of red wines used in sauce "Bordelaise" which means Bordeaux sauce used on Tournedos of Beef. Claret or red Bordeaux style wines are definitely main course wines perfect with Crown Roast of Lamb or Venison or Filet Mignon etc. In California, many upscale versions are called a "Meritage" red wine, which is their name for a red, or white Bordeaux blend. Even if you only have one wine store in your area that sells some good wine, you will be able to find a French red Bordeaux-- inexpensive ones include MOUTON CADET, or MEDOC or HAUT MEDOC--or the California versions which can be labeled simply: CABERNET SAUVIGNON (after the main grape), or MERITAGE RED or CLARET. Again, these can also be anywhere from inexpensive to moderately priced to expensive. You choose your price range.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
I eat turkey year round, not just at Thanksgiving. What wines would I serve?
Answer:
With Turkey, you can choose either a red or white wine depending on your preference. Most people who like lighter wines choose a soft white wine such as RIESLING. It does not have to be a sweet Riesling, it can be a drier style, but will have wonderful aromas of apple and peach. The best Rieslings in the world are made in Germany, but there are many good ones made in the U.S. Choose the medium-dry styles such as Kabinett from Germany. As for a red wine, these days everyone prefers again a lighter dry red and I would choose a MERLOT from California to go with your Turkey-- especially if its a roasted bird!


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"When my mom got really mad, she would say, 'Your butt is my meat.' Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, ''Now, what wine goes with that?'"
~~ Jonathan Solomon


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It's not the wine directly that causes the weight loss, it's all the walking around you do trying to find your car."
~~ Jay Leno


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
What is a good bottle of wine in $10-$50 price range?
Answer:
When I get a question like yours I want to shout, "help"! You don't tell me what kind of red wine you like? Do you prefer Cabernets or Pinot Noirs, do you prefer French or California, do you really mean wines that are vastly different in quality--because there is a world of difference between a $10 red and a $50 red! Do you want to buy this red to drink now, or do you want to cellar it for a few years? All these will determine what I recommend to you. My suggestion, forget low price wines at the $10 range and aim for wines that are $20-$30. You don't have to go all the way up to $50 to find wines you can both drink now and save for a few years. In the $20-$30 price range there are many, many wonderful California wines that are either called Cabernet Sauvignon by their main grape, or Meritage red. Both are usually blended with a small amount of Merlot and Cabernet Franc etc. like they do in Bordeaux. Wineries in this price range making great Cabernet or Meritage Red include: Chateau St. Jean, Joseph Phelps, St. Supery "Meritage Red", Estancia "Meritage", Beaulieu Vineyard "Tapestry", Beringer Alluvium etc. Go to a fine wine store in your area and ask them to show you these wines and other brands like them.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
My heritage is Italian and I love pasta, but know nothing about Italian wines. Is there a shortcut to choosing the right wines for pasta?
Answer:
The sauce on the pasta determines what type of wine to choose. For instance, white clam sauce or pesto sauces are best with white wines such as Pinot Grigio or Gavi or Italian Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc etc. Red clam sauce or marinara sauces with sausage and peppers are best with red wines such as SANGIOVESE which is the famous red grape of Tuscany used in Chianti, Brunello, Rosso di Montalcino etc. Other great Italian red wines with pasta are Montepulciano d'Abruzzi, Barbaresco or Gattinara from the Piedmont, and Taurasi from Campania or Sicilian red wines etc. If you haven't tried a Sangiovese red, you owe it to yourself to buy one--even Bolla has one at $8 a bottle and there are many, many moderate price versions from Italy and lots of good ones slightly higher-priced from California. Best thing to do is visit a fine wine store and ask the wine consultant to give you a lesson on Italian wines as you are looking at the bottles and labels.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"It's a naïve wine without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
~~ James Thurber


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I'm so holy that when I drink wine, it turns into water."
~~ Aga Kan III


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Is there a good, inexpensive wine similar to Chateauneuf du Pape?
Answer:
That's easy! Chateauneuf du Pape is a famous French Rhone wine, and the red is made from Syrah grapes blended with other grapes such as Grenache, Mourvedre etc. So those in the know buy French COTES DU RHONE red wine because it is always about $10 a bottle and made from the same grapes.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
I have long heard that the best wines in the world are French, and that in the four major classifications they are Romanee-Conti (red burgundy), Chateau Lafite Rothschild (red bordeaux), Le Montrachet (white burgundy), and Chateau d'YQuem (white bordeaux). Would you agree?
Answer:
The only reason people get away with even discussing the "top" French wines is that unlike our U.S.A. wine laws, the French government wine laws actually have official "rankings" of certain types of French wines. They rank red Bordeaux wines from the Medoc for instance and have 5 chateaux that rate in the highest category: Ch. Lafite-Rothschild, Ch. Mouton- Rothschild, Ch. Latour, Ch. Margaux, Ch. Haut-Brion. All five are of equivalent quality--so no Lafite is not the only top rated red Bordeaux. Same goes for the classification of Sauternes from Bordeaux--Ch. d'Yquem is the only Sauternes rated above the others however, so yes, it is for Sauternes (not for all white Bordeaux because Graves has its own classification). As for Romanee-Conti, yes it is rated a "Grand Cru" single vineyard in Burgundy, but there are 29 other vineyards rated "Grand Cru" in the Cote d'Or best part of Burgundy where it's located. But it is certainly one of the most costly red Burgundies and with great collector's value. And finally, Le Montrachet is also one of the 30 "Grand Cru" single vineyards in the Cote d'Or of Burgundy. But among white Burgundy wines, yes it is considered to be the rarest and most costly collector's item among the great white Burgundies. Go into a fine wine store with a temperature- controlled wine vault to find them.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
I would just like to know what is your favorite casual wine?
Answer:
Well, I love red wines, so I drink them even on casual occasions--though I love the best of every type of wine, i.e. great French Champagne; French White & Red Burgundy; definitely Red Bordeaux; Rhone reds; Italian Sangiovese, Amarone and Barolo; California Cabernet Sauvignons, Meritage reds and Zinfandels; and Australia Shiraz etc. The best values for casual drinking among these are: Australia Shiraz, Italian Sangiovese, California Cabernet and Zinfandel, Spanish reds and French Cotes du Rhone--all good everyday reds. P.S. My Italian parents always had red wine on the table when I was growing up--and made homemade red wine too-and I got my wine training in London where I practiced drinking the great French, Italian, Spanish red wines. Everyone's palate is different, so drink whatever gives you the most pleasure, though that changes over time.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"On one occasion some one put a very little wine into a glass, and said that it was sixteen years old. 'It is very small for its age,' said Gnathaena."
~~ Athenaeus


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine."
~~ Fran Lebowitz


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"The best use of bad wine is to drive away poor relations."
~~ French proverb


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved."
~~ Rose Kennedy on her 100th birthday


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Someone told me that Washington's wine country is on the same latitude as Bordeaux, France. Does that mean Washington produces the same type of high quality Cabernet/Merlot blends?
Answer:
Vineyards in Washington, the state just above Oregon, are at the same 46 degrees north latitude as Bordeaux, France. They cover the entire Columbia River basin in the dry, sagebrush-covered hills of the eastern part of the state. Because it is not rainy like the western side of the state which is on the Pacific Ocean, the vineyards are precisely irrigated, the growing season is extra long and the grapevines get two more hours of sunshine during the day than Napa Valley, California. The ideal of warm, dry days (for ripe fruit qualities) and cool nights (for good acidity) is achieved in almost every vintage. Even the deep, nutrient-poor, sandy loam soils are comparable to important parts of Bordeaux including St. Emilion, which is why the red Bordeaux varietals do as well in Washington. Other microclimates are great for every white grape variety including for the production of Dry Rieslings and Gewurztraminer. Consumers can find virtually every grape they could possibly desire in Washington. But to my mind, and as evidenced by their huge popularity in the marketplace, Washington Merlots are their very best wines-not just best red wine, but best wine, period.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
~~ George Best


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
I would like to buy a fine wine that my wife and I would enjoy but I don't know how to purchase fine wine. Could you please send me some names?
Answer:
Here are my suggestions for fine wines to buy for you and your wife: 1. FRENCH CHAMPAGNE--Veuve Clicquot, Taittinger, Mumm Cordon Rouge--all are Brut and Vintage (the finest) or Non-Vintage (less expensive); 2. VINTAGE PORTO--Grahams, Warres, Dows, Quinto do Noval, Smith-Woodhouse--all from vintages such as 1994 or if you can find older vintages such as 1977 that would be fantastic--these are all sweet, red dessert wines; 3. CALIFORNIA CABERNET SAUVIGNONS--Chateau St. Jean "Cinq Cepages"; Guenoc "Reserve", Langtry or Beckstoffer Vineyard; St. Supery "Meritage" Red; Mondavi Reserve-all from the 1995, 1996, 1997 or 1998 vintages-and there are lots more collectors items starting at $80 such as Opus One, Dominus, Niebaum- Coppola "Rubicon" etc.; 4. FRENCH RED BORDEAUX--if you can afford the first growths such as Chateau Margaux or Chateau Mouton-Rothschild, then buy. If they are too expensive, buy other "cru classe" from Haut Medoc such as Ch. Dauzac (Margaux), Ch. Ducru-Beaucailou (St. Julien) etc. Get help in a fine wine store. 5. FRENCH RED BURGUNDY--buy them young, recent vintages, because they are all 100% Pinot Noir. The great ones will be in the locked in the wine vault of any good wine store, with plenty of others in more moderate price ranges on the floor. 6. FRENCH RED RHONE-buy young, recent vintages of Chateauneuf du Pape, Gigondas, Cote Rotie, Hermitage, St. Joseph, Cornas -these are all based on the Syrah grape and delicious, big, blockbuster reds. Also try the Australia equivalent which are the better Shiraz wines.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"My idea of a fine wine was one that merely stained your teeth without stripping the enamel."
~~ Clive James


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning, with infinite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?"
~~ Isak Dinesen


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
I read some years ago of a Rhine Valley wine made from, I believe, raisins. It went by the moniker of TBA, an abbreviation of the longer German name that was a mouthful of 10+ letters. It's dessert wine I think. Can you help?
Answer:
A TROCKENBEERENAUSLESE German wine is abbreviated TBA. It is the most costly, rarest and sweetest of the six German "Pradikat" highest quality wines--that are never artificially sweetened or blended--and can only be made in great vintage years when there is enough sunshine several weeks past the normal harvest time for the grapes to be shriveled to "raisins" by the sun and the "noble rot" fungus called "botrytis" which occurs naturally. That's a mouthful! And a Trockenbeerenauslese is quite a delicious mouthful of sweet, golden-colored, honey flavored (from the botrytis) dessert wine--one of the greatest in the world. Usually sold in small half-bottles because it is expensive. It literally is dessert--and is served chilled, and sipped out of small glasses after a meal or with bread pudding, pecan pie, pound cake and fruit, crème caramel etc. Go to any fine wine store and look in their locked wine vault. The U.S. and other countries make a similar wine but cannot call it by the German name so look for the RIESLING grape, and the English words: "Select Late Harvest" or Botrytis on the label. It will still be rare and expensive.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~~ Frank Sinatra


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully."
~~ Old Russian Proverb


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
How do I become a wine writer?
Answer:
There's no standard way to become a wine writer. I think most wine writers come in through the back door, from another field since there aren’t any wine writing schools. Your best bet is to read and taste all you can, and start cold calling editors. Start with your local newspaper or smaller wine publications, such as a neighborhood newspaper, and work your way up. It's a slow but enjoyable process.

I’d say when starting out that you get at least nineteen no’s for every yes. I don’t mean this as discouragement but there are many folks wanting to do this so you have to be persistent (and keep your day job for many years). Sometimes, the most effective approach is to find a publication that doesn’t have a wine column but should. Often the big papers and magazines have regular columnists and they don’t need other articles.

You should also try to prefect your craft in several ways: by reading all you can about wine, by tasting all the wines you can and by working on writing itself (take some journalism corses). Find someone, if you can, who is a veteran journalist, perhaps someone at the university to review your work—and pay that person if need be.

Even if you can’t get published at first, write some pieces on popular topics (food and wine matching or something seasonal such as great wines for the barbecue or something that’s a bit of a scoop like an interview with a visiting winemaker), polish it up and have it ready. Most editors just want one-paragraph ideas but you’ll have these as samples.

Keep trying. It’s lonely and hard for the first two to three years. But if you work at it, some day you may find yourself a full-fledged wine hack!


Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.


"I drink to forget I drink."
~~ Joe E. Lewis


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end."
~~ P.J. O'Rourke


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Never accept a drink from a urologist."
~~ Erma Bombeck


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest."
~~ William Blake


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"It's all right, the white wine came up with the fish."
~~ Herman J. Mankiwicz (sp?) after getting sick at a formal dinner.


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office."
~~ Shirley MacLaine


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"If all the vine rows in Australia were laid end to end, they would reach nearly to the moon ... but how would we pick the grapes?"
~~ John Wilson


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain."
~~ Baron Rothschild


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?"
~~ Jerry Seinfeld


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Bartender, I'd like whatever the man on the floor was drinking."
~~ Unknown


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I've formed a new group called Alcoholics Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you."
~~ Richard Harris


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
The best steak restaurants have an overwhelming list of red wines. How do I navigate through the many possibilities?
Answer:
A good steak pairs best with good red wine. Most of the fine steak restaurants sell much more of the better red wines than white for good reason--the reds help us digest the steak better and keep our arteries clearer! You don't tell me what kinds of wine your like so I'm going to suggest you develop a taste for the great Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot blends from California. Many are called "Meritage Red". Some of the best are: ESTANCIA "Meritage", ST. SUPERY "Meritage", CHATEAU ST. JEAN "Cinq Cepages", CAIN Cuvee, BERINGER "Alluvium", and BEAULIEU VINEYARD "Tapestry" etc.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
Can I buy a good bottle of Champagne for $100?
Answer:
You most certainly can buy a respectable bottle of Champagne. All of the following are Brut (very dry) and Vintage dated (from single vintage year declared great). Here are my favorites: Alfred Gratien "Cuvee Paradis", Taittinger "Comte de Champagne" Blanc de Blanc, Veuve Clicquot "La Grande Dame", Dom Perignon, Perrier-Jouet "Fleur de Champagne", Louis Roederer Cristal, Mumm "Rene Lalou", Heidsieck "Diamant Blu", Pol Roger "Winston Churchill", Pommery "Cuvee Louise".
Answer:
Making good wine at home is more difficult than making beer. My suggestion is that you look in the yellow pages for your city and find a beer & winemaking supplies store. We have one called "Wine Art" in Atlanta. They can give you great advice on how to turn grapes into wine--plus sell you the equipment. There are also local beer/wine making clubs I'm sure-we have several. Look on the Internet too for resources. You don't say what kind of grapes you will be using--it makes a big difference in the kind of wine you can make. My Grandparents made wine in a cellar just like they did in Italy from fresh Zinfandel grapes sent from California at harvest time. To make good tasting wine you need help!


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
A number of red wines have a certain quality I don't like. They make my tongue dry and bitter.
Answer:
The sensations you describe on your tongue are both from the "tannin" in wines. Tannin is the same tannic acid found in a cup of strong tea. It is a natural preservative in wine and most of it comes from black grape skins-- so red wines, especially when young have the most tannin. Tannin gives an astringent taste and also a dry sensation on the tongue-so it is both a taste and a tactile sensation. Wines that are aged in oak barrels also pick up wood tannin--and this is usually the only source of tannin in white wines. To summarize, if you don't like the taste of tannin in wines, then choose either light white wines that are not oaky, such as Riesling, Pinot Blanc, Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio which are called "soft" wines, or light red wines with little tannin such as Gamay Beaujolais, Dolcetto, Lambrusco and Pinot Noir. Also, medium-bodied dry, red wines with soft tannins such as Merlot, Sangiovese or Shiraz are very popular exactly because they are smoother, less astringent wines. Avoid the blockbuster reds such as Cabernet Sauvignon, which have the most tannin. But that's the good thing about tannin--it allows the best red wines to live for many years in the bottle. It also has been shown to help keep your arteries clear. Many Europeans learn to like the taste of tannin by mixing half red wine and half non-sparkling mineral water. And those that can afford it buy much older red wine collector's items because their tannins have precipitated out as sediment and the wines will taste much smoother than when they were young.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"The wine seems to be very closed-in and seems to have entered a dumb stage. Sort of a Marcel Meursault."
~~ Paul Winalski


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk."
~~ Lee Entrekin.


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"It's a cheap party if you have to drink beer in wine glasses!"
~~ Alfred Molina,


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on."
~~ Oscar Levant


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Whether you call it Cioppino in Italian or Bouillabaisse in French. I like making a tomato based seafood stew. What are my best wine matches?
Answer:
There are two styles of Italian Chardonnay you could buy for your Cioppino recipe: The very light body, dry, stainless steel fermented style such as Torresella (very inexpensive), or the slightly oakier upscale style such as Ruffino "Libaio". Whichever you choose, and you can also select an inexpensive California Chardonnay such as Napa Ridge to use in the recipe, I do not recommend you purchase an expensive Chardonnay to cook with. Instead, cook with the less expensive types I mention, and then serve a more upscale Chardonnay when actually eating the Cioppino with your family or guests. In Italy they have these types of Chardonnay too--such as Ruffino's "Cabreo" instead of the Libaio. Go to your local fine wine store and they will help you. If you want an upscale California Chardonnay to serve with the dinner, then try Kunde "Kinneybrook", Chalk Hill, or Guenoc.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience - except that it is soluble in alcohol."
~~ Thomas Blackburn


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
When I went into the store to buy sweet red wines for after dinner, I was told by the clerk that most red wines were dry. Am I clueless or are they?
Answer:
You're not clueless, they are! Yes, over 90% of red wines are dry, so finding a fruity, slightly sweet one takes some thinking. But PORTO is one of the world's greatest sweet reds, and it is definitely an after dinner dessert wine. Best types are "Vintage" Porto, which is the most expensive, but more reasonably priced is "Ruby Porto" or "Late Bottled Vintage" or other red Portos such as Graham's Six Grapes etc. Porto will be sweet red, high in alcohol at 20%. But if you want a lighter red wine that is only slightly sweet, then may I recommend a couple of other wines: LAMBRUSCO Red wine from Italy is a very high volume selling wine in the U.S. and refreshing from slight fizzy quality and can be served chilled and its inexpensive--try the Riunite red. The same company also does a red sparkling wine from Brachetto grapes called: BRACHETTO d' ACQUI from Italy. It's in the $24 price range. Lambrusco is only $5 per bottle. Most Ruby Porto from Portugal starts at $15 per bottle. Other famous sweet red wines include: Banyuls from France, Mavrodaphne from Greece and Recioto della Valpolicella from Italy.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



Question:
What Spanish Rioja under $10 would you suggest?
Answer:
Every city will have different availability, but here are the most popular brands of Spanish Riojas: Bodegas Montecillo-Vina Cumbrero 1995 or 1996 Marques de Cacerers-Riojas "Crianza" 1995 or 1996 Marques de Grinon-Rioja 1995 or 1996 Conde de Valdemar "Crianza"-Bodegas Martinez Bujanda 1995 Marques de Murrieta-"Crianza" 1995 Bodegas Muga-Torre Muga-Rioja 1995 Federico Paternina-Rioja, Banda Azul, 1995 Faustino-Rioja 1995 If you love red Rioja made from Tempranillo grape, may I suggest you try another great Spanish red made from Tempanillo: Ribera de Duero wines-from one of the hottest new regions in Spain.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"The only time I ever said no to a drink was when I misunderstood the question."
~~ Will Sinclair


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
How do I find a wine if it’s not in my wine store?
Answer:
Many readers tell me about a fabulous wine they had on vacation or at a friend’s house but couldn’t find in their local wine store. To find a wine, first check the liquor store’s web site, as many have searchable databases that will tell you whether they stock the wine and at which locations. Some chains also have hotlines you can call. If they don’t sell the wine, they may be able to give you the name and phone number of the sales agent who represents it so that you can buy directly. You can also look at the winery’s web site, which often lists local retailers or agents. If not, you can e-mail the general mailbox to ask about them.


Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.



Question:
What is ice wine and how and when should it be served?
Answer:
Eiswein is the German name for "ice wine". This means it is made in vintage years when it actually snows on the grapes and freezes them solid. By law the grapes have to be crushed while they are still frozen and the ice crystals hold the water and allow the sweet natural grape juice alone to go into fermentation. This produces one of the world's greatest dessert wines, and is rare and costly. Most German Eiswein is made from Riesling grapes, and is sold in half-bottles. It should be served chilled in small, clear glasses after dinner as a dessert. If you do serve a dessert along side it, choose simple pound cake with fruit, shortbread cookies, creme caramel or bread pudding. Ice wine is also made in Canada, New York and California. The ATF of the U.S. government does not allow the use of the German word Eiswein on the label, so it will be called "ice wine" in English or "vin glaciere" in French.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"A typical wine writer was once described as someone with a typewriter who was looking for his name in print, a free lunch and a way to write off his wine cellar. It's a dated view. Wine writers now use computers."
~~ Frank Prial, NYTimes, January 21, 1998


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Why decant wine?
Answer:
Wines are decanted to get rid of sediment, the organic matter that naturally precipitates from the wine as it matures. The wines that throw the most sediment are mature, full-bodied red wines and vintage port. The second reason to decant is to let the wine breathe so that it helps to warm up a wine that’s too cold, soften any harsh tannins and open up its aromatics. This is especially true of rough-and-not-ready reds, particularly young, full-bodied ones: cabernet sauvignon, zinfandel, brunello, barolo, bordeaux, rioja, shiraz, syrah and Northern Rhone wines.


Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.


"My uncle was the town drunk—and we lived in Chicago."
~~ George Gobel


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it."
~~ Anonymous


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
Is a Trockenbeerenauslese as sweet as a Sauternes?
Answer:
I once measured the sugar content of a Trockenbeerenaulese compared to maple syrup and found the TBA was about 12% sugar by volume and the maple syrup was 88% sugar! The reason a German TBA never tastes as sweet as a French Sauternes is due to: 1. The TBA is botrytis Riesling grape which usually is very high in acidity that balances the natural grape sugar content and makes it appear less sweet; and 2. The Sauternes is made from botrytis Semillon grapes, which are richer than Riesling and produce more body, more alcohol and more sweetness because of lower acidity. But if you thought the Sauternes too sweet, you will probably appreciate the lower sweetness levels in German wine such as Beerenauslese and Auslese (still sweet enough for dessert).


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"Wine is the reason I get up every afternoon."
~~ Anonymous


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


"I drink to make other people interesting."
~~ George Jean Nathan


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
To decant or to decant? I am trying to be funny but it seems to be serious business---following all of the regulations regarding the serving of wine. Please instruct me.
Answer:
All wines benefit from decanting, because it aerates the wine, lets it breathe. Only very old red wines should not be exposed to air for very long because they have such a fragile, delicate aroma. Every other type of wine needs air to release the beautiful aromas that have been trapped in the bottle. Professionals decant older red wines or vintage Porto off their sediment and that is the main purpose of decanting for these types of wine that throw a heavy sediment. Here are some other regulations, as you call them, for the proper service of wine.


Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


"The fine wine leaves you with something pleasant; the ordinary wine just leaves."
~~ Maynard Amerine


Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



Question:
What does it mean to decant wine and how do you do it?
Answer:
Pouring wine from its bottle into some other container: a carafe, a decanter, even a water jug.
  • Make sure the decanter and the mouth of the bottle are clean.
  • To decant a bottle with sediment, first leave it upright for about a day to settle the sediment at the bottom.
  • For the actual pouring process, stand a flashlight on the table so that it shines upwards—it gives stronger light than the classic lit candle. Place the decanter beside it and pour the wine so that the light shines through the neck of the bottle. This will allow you to see when the sediment is approaching, so that you can stop pouring then.
  • Discard the dregs left in the bottle.
  • Leave younger wines in the decanter for about an hour or two, and older wines anywhere from fifteen minutes to a half an hour. Taste the wine periodically to see how it’s opening up. If you decide that the wine has peaked, but the guests aren’t due for a while, drape a cloth over the top of the decanter to slow aeration.


    Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.


  • "I don't drink; I don't like it ~ it makes me feel good."
    ~~ Oscar Levant


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    What is Shiraz exactly? I have a bottle-what dish should I prepare?
    Answer:
    Shiraz is Australia's name for the Syrah grape, which originates from the Rhone River wine region in France. It is very popular because it's smooth with some black raspberry flavors and lots of spice. A Shiraz is great with any type of barbecue or grilled menu-- from hamburgers to steak, ribs, chicken, pork etc. Prices range from $8-$80+.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    Since I have become a vegetarian I cannot drink heavy wines. I am making a special polenta main course with a wild mushroom sauce that has port wine in it, what would you recommend as the wine partner?
    Answer:
    Your vegetarian meal sounds delicious. I would choose a red since you are using port in the mushroom sauce. However, you do not want to overpower the polenta since it has no heavy meat, so I'd suggest a dry, red with some deep concentration of fruit such as a MERLOT (which is very smooth and the most popular red wine)--you can find many examples in any good wine store, most will be from wineries in California. Choose your price range and they will find one for you!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "Avoid any wine with a childproof cap."
    ~~ Richard Smit


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober."
    ~~ William Butler Yeats


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "There are more old drunkards than old doctors."
    ~~ French


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "I have made an important discovery... that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication."
    ~~ Oscar Wilde


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    I recently acquired some excellent Spanish wine and noted the term Cosecha on the label of the bottle. Is Cosecha a local name for a grape? I am familiar with the Tempranillo, Garnacha (red) grape varieties.
    Answer:
    Your Spanish wine knowledge is really good! You know the pertinent facts. Under the D.O. (Denominacion de Origen) wine laws in Spain, COSECHA means harvest in Spanish, and COSECHA is the Vintage Year of the wine. Vino de Cosecha means wine that is at least 85% from the vintage year on the label- -most are 100% from one vintage year if there is a Cosecha on the label. In other words, a Cosecha 1989 wine is vintage year 1989, the year the grapes were harvested. Good Luck with your further studies! By the way, have you tried the Priorat red wines from Spain? They are delicious Garnacha, very upscale.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "If you want to become a rich, pretentious snot – and who doesn't? – you should learn about wine."
    ~~ Dave Barry


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    I've heard that wine ages faster in splits than in regular 750ml bottles. Is there a rule of thumb I can use for determining how long after the vintage a split will last?
    Answer:
    The saying that wine ages more quickly in smaller size bottles such as splits came about because for French Champagne they decant the wine from larger bottles into smaller bottles and thereby lose some of the fizz and let air get to the wine. That's why many splits of any sparkling wine from any country are usually somewhat flat, and do not age well at all. It is not quite so bad for red wines because reds wines have more natural tannin or preservative from their black grape skins, and the wineries that make half-bottles of red wine usually fill and age them the same as they do the larger bottles without decanting. The same may be true of the better white wines in half-bottles such as Chardonnay or white Burgundy from France-- however white wines age more quickly than reds anyway. So there is no hard rule of thumb as to how long any of the "splits" or "half-bottles" will last--the longest lasting being the fine red wines such as Cabernet Sauvignon or Bordeaux in half-bottles, then oak-aged white wines in half bottles. By the way, it costs a winery almost as much money for the glass bottle and cork in the half size as it does for their full size bottles, so wineries have to charge a premium price for these smaller bottles. It really is better to buy the regular size 750 ml bottle and then use a vacuvin or stopper to preserve it until you drink the bottle glass by glass.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts."
    ~~ Finley Peter Dunne


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "Health is what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down."
    ~~ Phyllis Diller


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "Filmmaker/winemaker Francis Ford Coppola says the two professions are almost the same and that each depends on source material and takes a lot of time to perfect. The big difference: Today’s winemakers still worry about quality."
    ~~ Arizona Republic, January 22, 1998.


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    Thai food is not only exotic; it is so exciting to eat. We love red curry Thai style, but are there wines that can stand up to it?
    Answer:
    I myself had Thai Red Curry Chicken for lunch the other day, so I have it firmly in my memory. Some wine experts would say to serve a Gewurztraminer with it, but really it's almost too spicy a wine for the subtle Thai style. Instead I would suggest either a California or New Zealand SAUVIGNON BLANC- Instead I would suggest either a California or New Zealand SAUVIGNON BLANC- citrusy aroma and flavor. My favorite New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs are Cloudy Bay and Giesen; and from Calfornia I prefer: St. Supery, Guenoc and Quivira "Fig Tree" Vineyard, and Groth. Your local fine wine store can help you find these. Other good choices are RIESLING in the dry style from Washington or Germany, or Australia SEMILLON-CHARDONNAY which is made to partner Pacific Rim cuisine with Asian influences. And if you are a real French wine connoisseur--then try Alsace "Tokay" which is the Pinot Gris grape--it is the only other spicy grape in the world--but much less spicy than Gewurztraminer--and the Alsace syle will be dry. My favorite brand is Lucien Albrecht Tokay Pinot Gris "Vielles Vignes" old vines.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "Every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Like that time I took that home wine making course and forgot how to drive."
    ~~ Homer Simpson


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "I don’t drink anymore – just the same amount."
    ~~ Joe. E. Lewis


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
    ~~ Henny Youngman


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk."
    ~~ Lee Entrekin.


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
    ~~ Tom Waits


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    Recently I was served an unknown Austrian "Grunerveltliner" I know very little about this varietal and would like to learn more.
    Answer:
    In Austria the white grape variety Gruner Veltiner accounts for more than 1/3 of their vines. It makes a dry, light to medium body wine with crisp acidity and can be slightly "spritzig" which means little bubbles of carbon dioxide in the bottom of the glass left after fermentation. It is describes as having a smoky or white pepper aroma, and is not aged in oak so is meant to be consumed within 3 years of the vintage. Most are labeled "trocken" meaning dry. Austrian wines are hard to find in the U.S.A. Most major producers such as Lenz Moser produce a Gruner Veltliner. This grape is also grown in Hungary. If you cannot find it in your market-a good substitute could be a German "Trocken" or "Halb-Trocken) made from light, slightly aromatic grapes such as Pinot Blanc or Pinot Gris or Sylvaner. The most aromatic will be the Pinot Gris, called Pinot Grigio in Italy. It is slightlu spicy-not as spicy as Gewurztraminer. Alsace also makes good dry Pinot Blanc and Pinot Gris-Alsace is on the French side of the Rhein River across from Baden, Germany. Price will depend on the reputation of the producer. And Austria produces excellent white, sweet, dessert wines that are labeled according to sugar content like German wines, so you can find Austrian Beerenauslese etc. that is wonderful. There are also several red wines from Austria available in the U.S.A.-I had a dry red called Zweigert after the grape variety that was fruity and similar to a Beaujolais in style. Austria's other famous red grapes include: Blaufrankisch and Lemberger. Go into a fine wine store in your area and ask to see these grape varieties from the countries you're interested in and you will find a range of prices and producers.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "Dinner at the Huntercombes' possessed only two dramatic features — the wine was a farce and the food a tragedy."
    ~~ Anthony Powell


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "Not all men who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we aren't poets."
    ~~ Unknown


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    What are those "streaks" in my wine?
    Answer:
    The "streaks" in your wine are called the "legs". They fall like tears on the inside of your wine glass after you have finished swirling. The legs are a visual measure of the viscosity or thickness of the wine, and they are related to the glycerol content of the wine, which is related to the alcohol content, and sugar content or ripeness of the grapes used to make the wine. Wines that are more viscous, with more slowly forming and thicker legs, are said to be heavier in "body". Light bodied wines have virtually no legs and look like water when you swirl them in your glass. So in wine terms, "legs" are an eyeball measure of the "body" of the wine, whether heavy or full-bodied, medium-bodied, or light-bodied. It's a judgment call, that usually only professional tasters are interested in when they rate a wine on a numerical scale. But now you can act like a wine judge and know what you see when you swirl and wait for the legs!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that, and she said, 'Because I'm your father.'"
    ~~ Dave George


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like."
    ~~ Garrison Keillor


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food!"
    ~~ Leslie Duncan


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "The only thing that should come between people and wine is the cork."
    ~~ Andrea Immer


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    It is so confusing trying to remember what wines go with what foods. Can you give me some simple rules to follow?
    Answer:
    There really are no longer any hard and fast rules about red wine with meat and white wine with fish. In fact, you can have a light red such as Pinot Noir with grilled salmon, or a full-bodied, oak aged white such as Chardonnay with meat if you wanted. The reason behind the old rules is that most dry, red wines have tannin which when paired with seafood makes it taste metallic and unpleasant. And white wines are usually paired with seafood because they are high in citric acid--the same natural acid as in lemons--and are just like squeezing lemon juice on the fish--makes it taste less fishy and is a perfect complement. In fact, some oak aged Chardonnays are both buttery and lemony, both tastes perfect with fish or seafood. As for chilling--white wines should be served at about the temperature of a normal refrigerator--you can chill them for 2 hours in the fridge before serving or no more than half an hour in ice and water. Red wines are normally served at cool room temperature.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since the invention of the funnel."
    ~~ Malachy McCourt


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age."
    ~~ Steven Wright


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    What is verjuice or verjus, and how can I get it or make it myself?
    Answer:
    Verjuice is the juice of unripened grapes. The only way to get it is to pick them in a vineyard before they ripen for harvesting. Verjuice can be found in gourmet and specialty stores. It is very sour, and a good substitute for Verjuice is a good white wine vinegar.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    I am worried about sulfites in wine. Do all wines have sulfites? Will they give me a headache
    Answer:
    All wines contain sulfites (sulfur dioxide) as a natural by-product of fermentation, and very few contain less than the 20 parts per million of sulfites that requires a "contains sulfites" label under FDA rules for wine. Certain wine companies used to make a wine labeled "sulfite free", but quickly took them off the market because of problems with deterioration. Without a minimum amount of sulfites-usually 60 ppm total natural and added-wine will oxidize quickly and turn brown and possibly become prey to bacterial spoilage since sulfites prevent this. Even organic wines have sulfites from the fermentation even if they don't add more. I don't know of any wine that is sulfite free. The wines that have the least amount of sulfites added, however, are good, dry robust red wines because they have so much natural tannin from their black grape skins as a preservative that they don't need to add as much sulfites. Wines that have the most sulfites added are wines coolers and bulk processed light white wines. You can sometimes smell the "sulfur"--rotten egg or burnt match smell--in these types of wine from the sulfites. Too much sulfites ruins the aroma of a good or great wine, so winemakers never want to add too much. Remember, sulfites do not cause headaches-rather they restrict or constrict nasal passages, which can affect asthmatics or borderline asthmatics. Our own bodies produce sulfites every day, and many foods contain sulfites-some more than wine, such as concentrated lemon and lime juice.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    How long do wines keep once opened?
    Answer:
    The answer is a highly subjective, according to both the wine and the drinker. Generally, dry white wines have the shortest life once opened. I find they lose their character after even one or two days, especially cheaply-made, oaky New World whites. (Whites with good acidity and lots of character from Burgundy are an exception.) For reds, I think that most start to slip after two days, though again it depends on how well the wine was made. There are always exceptions.

    Sweet and fortified wines, such as icewine, port and sherry, have a longer life because of their higher sweetness and/or alcohol, both of which act as a preservative. I still like most opened icewines after three to four days; ports from one week to four, depending on their quality. You can extend the life of any opened wine by giving it a few squirts of liquid nitrogen, such as Wine Preserver, a spray can sold in many liquor and wine accessory stores. Another trick is to pour your remaining wine into a clean, empty half bottle size and cork it. This also minimizes the amount of oxygen that can affect the wine. Some drinkers don't mind a wine that's still 60-80% there in terms of its character; others want the full expression or nothing. I tend to err on the latter side of the ledger.


    Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.


    "I got so wasted one night I waited for the Stop sign to change, and it did."
    ~~ Steve Krabitz


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    Does the shape of the wine glass really make a difference?
    Answer:
    Absolutely--the taste of the wine does change depending on the glasses you use. Professional tasters, when they are blending great French Champagnes for instance, use several different shape glasses to taste each grape variety and vineyard to decide how to blend them together. Each glass shape accentuates certain components of the aroma/taste in the same wines. This was dramatically demonstrated at a Reidel wine glass tasting. Reidel, Austrian crystal company, makes wine glasses in completely different shapes for each grape variety or type of wine--for example they make a Bordeaux/Cabernet Sauvignon glass, White Burgundy/Chardonnay glass, German/Riesling glass etc. We first tasted Riesling in the Chardonnay glass, Pinot Noir in the Cabernet glass--in other words the wines in the wrong glasses and then compared these aromas and tastes when we had them in the correct glasses, i.e. Chardonnay in the Chardonnay glass, Pinot Noir in the Pinot Noir glass etc. What a difference! The Reidel glasses for the appropriate grape made them taste and smell so much better! More intensely flavored aromas, and more complexity and depth in the taste, character and structure of the wines. We asked the Reidel glass company's owner why the shapes made such a difference and he said technically they do not know why! They just know from decades of glass making experience and experiment that these shapes work best for these grapes. I believe the reason they make a difference is the width of the mouth of each glass and the amount of air mixed with the wine as it enters your palate--but it is physics I can hardly understand--just admire!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    We always order antipasti at our local Italian restaurant and love the platter of salami, cheeses, peppers, etc. We usually have a white wine, but what a red better?
    Answer:
    Being Italian-American, I love Italian wines and food and can give you several red wine suggestions for antipasti. The traditional antipasti with proscuitto, salami, peppers, cheeses etc. is perfectly partnered by the Italian red grape SANGIOVESE which originates from Tuscany and is used to make CHIANTI CLASSICO RISERVAS (the best type of Chianti), ROSSO DI MONTALCINO (less expensive version of the great Sangiovese red called Brunello di Montalcino), and many other Tuscan reds just simply labeled SANGIOVESE for the grape variety. The reason Sangiovese is so good with Antipasti is that it is not too heavy--medium bodied--has aromas of cherries in brandy--and more acidity than tannin (astringency), so it's smoother than most other Italian red wines. Of course Sangiovese is also grown in California and Argentina too, and they are also very good. But try the Italian versions first--many can be bought in the U.S. at $8-$10 a bottle for the simply labeled Sangiovese.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    Should some wines not be decanted?
    Answer:
    Even decanting hardliners admit that some wines just aren’t made for airing out. Delicate red wines, such as pinot noir, aren’t usually decanted because their subtle aromas can quickly dissipate. The same goes for zesty whites, such as rieslings and sauvignon blanc: they can lose their crisp, refreshing edge. Others are borderline: full-bodied whites, such as oaky chardonnays and some sweet wines, may benefit from decanting, depending on the style you like.


    Natalie MacLean is the author of Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass. She was named the World’s Best Drink Writer for the articles and wine picks in her free wine newsletter available at www.nataliemaclean.com.



    Question:
    I am looking for a few moderately priced wines for everyday use. Could you provide 3 reds and 3 whites? What are your favorite everyday wines?
    Answer:
    The simplest wine questions are always the hardest to answer because I don't know what you like! Do you like very robust, heavy reds-or lighter wines and slightly sweet whites? And you do not specify a price range-- everyone's idea of everyday is different. And just a dollar or two increase in price can make a world of difference in the quality and appeal of the taste. But let me give you six wines based on the assumption you like a range of wines and are talking under $10 a bottle. Best Value for Money = Whites = Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc from California/Reds = Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon or Zinfandel = NAPA RIDGE, TALUS, FORESTVILLE, VILLA MT. EDEN, WENTE, GEYSER PEAK, FETZER, CHATEAU SOUVERAIN, BUENA VISTA, QUIVIRA, ST. SUPERY, GUENOC. Good Rieslings which are medium-dry whites that are light and fruity, try CHATEAU STE. MICHELLE (Washington State) or GERMAN RIESLING KABINETT. Best Italian Sangiovese (my favorite smooth red)= BOLLA, RUFFINO "FONTE AL SOLE"; Best Australia Shiraz (another favorite smooth red)= PENFOLDS "Koonunga Hill"; Best Chile Wines = ERRAZURIZ and CALITERRA. Best Spanish reds for price are RIOJA or RIBERA DEL DUERO (any brand). Hope this helps. Go to a fine wine store in your area and they will have lots and lots of brands within these types for under $10. Good Luck!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    As a special treat, I am doing a romantic dinner with Crown Roast of Lamb as the main course. I want a special wine to go with it.
    Answer:
    The classic wine combination for Crown Roast of Lamb is a Cabernet Sauvignon or red Bordeaux wine. But since your recipe marinates the lamb in rosemary and garlic, I would suggest a "warmer" tasting red wine with more of a Mediterranean flavor such as: COTES DU RHONE from France. It is a blend of the red Rhone grapes including Syrah, and is moderately priced at under $15 per bottle. The more expensive version from the Rhone River region in France is called CHATEAUNEUF DU PAPE, and you can find it for $20 and over in most wine stores. Both Rhone reds are spicy, dry, full-bodied red wines. You can also buy SYRAH wines from California such as Stag's Leap from Napa. Another California red wine that makes a perfect partner for your lamb is ZINFANDEL--and you can find many excellent examples in the $15 price range such as: Villa Mt. Eden (delicious, a great value from Napa), Rabbit Ridge, Ravenswood, Roseblum etc. Zinfandel is also a dry red, with spice, black raspberry or blackberry flavors.


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "A hard drinker, being at table, was offered grapes at dessert. 'Thank you,' said he, pushing the dish away from him, 'but I am not in the habit of taking my wine in pills."
    ~~ Anthelme Brillat-Savarin


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner


    "The best thing about a cocktail party is being asked to it."
    ~~ Gerald Nachman


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    I am going to a wine tasting party on Saturday night. I need to bring a white and red wine from NY State. Do you have any suggestions? I also need to bring a food from that state.
    Answer:
    I've always enjoyed the wines from two regions in New York state: The Finger Lakes--especially Chardonnay from Dr. Konstantin Frank; and Long Island--Cabernet Sauvignons from Lenz, Ternhaven, Macari, Bedell are some of the best Cabernets made in America. These are fine, dry wines--forget about those Concord or Catawba sweet native grape wines! Other excellent wine choices from New York state include reds and whites from the Lake Erie and Hudson River wine growing regions. As for food from N.Y., you could cheat and buy any gourmet food item from Dean & Deluca in New York City! Or why not try to find a great New York state Cheddar cheese?


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com


    "A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand."
    ~~ Billy Connolly


    Excerpt from Vintage Humor for Wine Lovers by Malcolm Kushner



    Question:
    What is the best wine to gift for a close friend's Anniversary?
    Answer:
    What a thoughtful friend you are! The perfect wines to give as Anniversary gifts are either those they can consume then and there to celebrate, such as French Champagne, or fine red wines or vintage Portos that can be saved and aged until the 10th anniversary. So if you want French Champagne, buy Brut Vintage if you can afford it. Brut means dry, and Vintage means from a single vintage year that is declared great. Best brands include: In the $35 price range MUMM Cordon Rouge, POMMERY, TAITTINGER Brut La Francaise, HEISIECK, VEUVE CLICQUOT etc. These also go all the way up to $90 per bottle for their best "cuveé"-such as Dom Perignon, Cuvee Louise, Taittinger Comtes de Champagne, and Fleur de Champagne in hand painted flower bottle by Perrier-Jouet. Any Vintage Porto--especially 1994s on the market now--will be great for keeping 10-15 years. Any great Cabernet Sauvignon from California or red Bordeaux will also make a fantastic gift for saving 10 years. Go to the best wine store in your area and ask their wine consultant to find these items in your price range. My suggestion is the immediate gratification of good French Champagne!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com



    Question:
    I'm 26 and don't have much experience with wine aside from a few winery tours. I have a friend from Germany who'll be visiting me next week, and she'll be staying for about a week. With theatre tickets and such, I'm on a tight budget, so I'd like to get a couple bottles of wine, but I'd rather not spend more than $20 apiece. Can you suggest a red and a white that don't taste like a run-of-the-mill bottle and that I would be able to find at a regular wine/liquor store? I'm in D.C., so I should be able to find most brands.
    Answer:
    I'm sure you will have a great time with your friend. Since she is from Germany, I can tell you right away--don't serve her German wine since that's what she can gets everyday at home! Germany doesn't produce much red wine--only 10%--so definitely get a couple good red wines to serve her. My suggestion is to go with reds that are not too tannic or astringent, such as the ever-popular MERLOT. My favorite brands from California in the $20 price range include: Lambert Bridge, Markham, St. Supery, and DeLoach. There are many others that your local fine wine stores in D.C. can recommend. Merlot is served at room temperature. Then I would choose a good dry, white wine just in case she likes white wines a lot. Why not a good Chardonnay from California such as Kunde "Kinneybrook" or Guenoc or Chalk Hill? Chill the Chardonnay 2 hrs. in the refrigerator or 30 mins. In ice and water. And always have an extra bottle on hand in case one is bad, or you run out!


    Excerpt from Wine Faqs: Real Questions-Real Answers by Anita L. Laraia- www.anitalaraia.com

    <